I guess Sabbath needed a mellow-out song at this point on the album.

One of the more mysterious kuo-toa rituals is the process whereby fingerlings, the kuo-toa word for hatchlings, are selected for the upper-class priesthood and management of the community. These fingerlings are about to become clerics, cleric/assassins, and monitors, forever to be separated from the common pool of kuo-toa. They will live in different communities, go on different raids to the surface, have access to better cure light wounds spells.

Thanks to some loose-tongued deep gnomes and some well-timed ale, we have part of the text for the selection ritual.

“We beseech thee, mistress of the eternal tides, queen mother of the circular sea, she who gives us the water of life and the salt of creation, undying and unfailing Blibdoolpoolp, to guide and provide for these children who are about to become kuo-toa. With your unseeing guidance and eternal patience, lead the embryonic away from the lures of the surface, away from the straight jacket of  discipline, away from the false embrace of insanity. Instead, oh goddess, lead these initiates towards the future glory that waits for us, waiting like the endless shoals.”

There are a couple incredible riffs in this song, which also has an overtly christian message that people conveniently forgot about when, back in the day, they claimed Sabbath was Satanic.

Perverse Osmosis’s love of the lich is well chronicled: listen to or read the lyrics to “Lich Lord” for supporting evidence. But we don’t give quite as much undead love to the lich’s in some ways more powerful form, the demilich. The demilich first makes its appearance in Tomb of Horrors, and we all know how bad that module turns out for almost every party. As Monster Manual II says, “Demilich is a misleading term, in that one might assume that ‘demi’ refers to status.” But as many, many of us found out when Acererak’s skull rose up from the pile of bones and dust, gave out the howling shriek, which led to many failed saving throws and death, there is not much demi about it.

Nor is there much demi about when the skull starts sucking the souls out of party members one by one and storing the souls in the gems that pass for its teeth. Also not demi: the curse that the lich can place on whoever is left over, which are curses such as never gaining experience points from treasure or always failing a saving throw.

And it has an AC of -6.

“Sweet Leaf” is the first song on Master of Reality (1971), and a song that launched a thousand bong hits.

The yellow musk creeper is an odd monster that lurks in the occasionally rich soils of the Underdark. Fiend Folio claims that it is occasionally planted on purpose to guard treasures. That is probably true: I can easily see a drow cleric or elder bane-midget getting some minions together to till the soil and drop some yellow creeper seeds in it in an effort to protect their treasure chest filled with potions of gaseous form and an occasional scroll of protection from undead.

But what the Folio doesn’t say is what happens to the minions long after the planting. It turns out that when taken in small enough qualities, yellow musk dust is an mood enhancer, along with offering slight psychedelic properties. Unsurprisingly, a fairly substantial illicit drug trade in yellow musk has blossomed in the Underdark.  Since these minions know where the plants are located, they can command extremely high prices for their information. Many a xvart or goblin has managed to retire quite quickly thanks to this knowledge. Of course, they are frequently killed almost immediately after retirement.

“Fairies Wear Boots” is the last song on Paranoid and one that classic rock radio will occasionally play as a deep cut, when they are tired of trotting out “Iron Man.”

While not technically, as far as any monsterologists can determine, a fairy, the mite acts like the fairy of the Underdark. It is not surprising that fairies are not found in abundance in the realms of eternal midnight.  Fairies like sylvan glades, hemlock trees, softly babbling brooks, and relaxing sunbeams. With the exception of the water, none of the other geographical or meteorological phenomena are found underground. There aren’t many enticing megaliths to flutter around, unless we are counting the giant clock in the center of Menzobarranzan, nor are there golden-locked maidens looking wistfully out a castle window. No: in the Underdark, that maiden is probably chained to a room and faces regularly scheduled beatings from the local jermlaine population.

Thus the mite. It is small like a fairly. It is hard to see like a fairy. It seldom attacks like a fairy. For all we know, there may be an entire clothing line that surly drow teenagers wear that have a image of a mite on it. But the mite is not a fairy since, to the limits of my knowledge, no fairy ever strung a trip wire across the path, beat the fallen explorer with loaded clubs, stole all the explorer’s weapons, armor, and clothes, and left them naked in the dungeon to be eaten by wandering monsters.

I don’t think that too many people are picking “Rat Salad” as their favorite Sabbath song, but there it is, hiding right before “Fairies Wear Boots.”

Hiding like a rat, those common and commonly misunderstood denizens of the Underdark. Almost every character meets a giant rat early in their career; Rithmore the Rogue or Frilmroc the Prestidigitator might have picked up their first experience points by stabbing a dagger into a rat.

But rats are more than only fodder for first-level characters. They are complex creatures with advanced social systems and surprisingly intricate communication abilities based around squeaks. The Monster Manual rates their intelligence as “semi,” which is a step above “animal” and only one below “low.” Know who has a low intelligence? An ettin. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that ettin intelligence is anything to aspire to. The typical ettin doesn’t even change its clothes, if the description in the MM is true. But what I am saying is that in comparison, a smart rat would score the same on the Stanford-Benit IQ test as an ettin would.