Go, Fight, Kill

Hail Adventurers: Today will celebrate the almighty two-handed sword. Sure, there are places for darts and daggers, but those of us who lack the patience to slowly wait out levels until we are able to cast cloudkill want to feel some real steel. The two-handed sword [or THS in character sheet lingo] runs a smooth 30 g.p., making it the most expensive non-missile weapon that a young adventurer can buy. It weighs a bunch, is tough to hide, and Kilgrok needs a lot of room in the dungeon to swing it. However, and this is a big however, it does 1-10 hp to small and medium creatures, and 3-18 to large. Yup, that’s right; the same amount of dice used to roll up ability stats can also be employed for mayhem.

That’s a lot of mayhem. When Kilgrok hacks his way through the kobold family in the Palace of the Silver Princess or when he slaughters some bandits roaming the south during the annexation of Tenh, there will be many silver pieces for us less ethically minded types to swoop down on. If we happen to run into an ogre, yikes for the ogre. Granted, our ogre friend will have twenty to thirty hps but that is only two swings of Kilgrok’s blade. Two halfway decent rolls and we are bathing in ogre blood and stealing his potions of healing and fancy-pants necklace that he extorted from some local bugbears.

Two of the three members of Perverse Osmosis are heavily influenced by The 1-4-5s; I don’t know if Kitten loves them so much, but Ultra and I have been drinking at the font of these clowns for about a decade. This is impressive in its own right since the band only existed for a couple years and was a side project for most of the members. All this said, the “1-4-5 fight song” on Rock Invasion set the template for “Make it today.” One Mardi Gras, Ultra and I listened to it fifteen or twenty times in the course of a couple hours at 45 instead of 33 when we discovered how great the song was faster. The 2008 Nerdfest version of “

      Make It Today
” is a close approximation of this out-of-control sound. Also, the 1-4-5s were inspirational to me because traditional ideas of talent and musicianship didn’t matter to them either.

Quite fancy, adventurer

Quite fancy, adventurer

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