In the Supreme Madness of Carnival

If a halfling, a gnome, two humans, a sexy half-elf, and a dim-witted but sturdy dwarven fighter wanted to have themselves a great time, they could go a couple places. One is the slums of Rel Mord; one time, we stumbled onto an owlbear baby fighting two badgers tied together. Now, I know this may not seem like everyone’s idea of a good time, but hear me out. For those of us on the side of, let’s call it non-law, we got to see something that surprisingly few other adventurers have seen. Want to stop a conversation at a party? Give them the details of how owlbear baby poked out the eye of badger number one as badger number two was giving owlbear baby’s less-than-stellar visage a good turn with the ol face shredder. For the law types on the party, they got a chance to feel all appropriate and responsible, plus they got the chance to look down their collective noses at at least six different kinds of creatures [not including the party].

The other place the party could go is New Orleans during Carnival. I managed to live in the Big Dirty for a half a decade and tried my best to suck in all the insanity for five Mardi Gras. Here are a few random observations about this event:

1) Ultra and I were walking down Carondolet Street in the Central Business District. In the windows of one of the abandoned buildings was a sign. Not just any sign, but a hand-written in shaky Sharpie sign that read “Peepshow 5 Dollars.” I have no idea to this day who would go in, but I would bet they did not come out.

2) The most underrated parade is Orpheus. It is the late parade on Lundi Gras, so the casual fan is resting up for Fat Tuesday. For whatever reason, it also rained on Orpheus four of the five years. So the rain sissies and tired babies all go back to their hotel rooms or crash pad or friend’s house or where ever they are staying, leaving the parade to those of us who, quite frankly, are too drunk or stupid to go inside. Orpheus is a giant parade with a bunch of great floats; they usually get some famous singer type to be the King; they throw great throws; what’s not to like? One time I dressed up as a metalhead [complete with incredible Possessed T-shirt] and had to run for cover because I was getting bombarded with beads.

3) For Bacchus, an obvious drinking parade, I was walking on the neutral ground, trying to maneuver my way through the crowd. I am wearing the traditional Bacchus costume of a toga, and my chest is visible. Two attractive revelers are walking in the other direction; as they pass me, attractive reveler one puts her hand onto my chest and gives my chest hair a rub. She said nothing; I said nothing. She rubbed my chest a little more and went on her way.

4) Close friends and merryfellows Amy, Justin, and Josh once walked around a two block triangle trying to find The Saint [New Orleans’ best bar] for more than two hours. They went out to get a smoke or something and much later, I was still sitting inside wondering what happened to them. In their defense, they are not the only people who got lost in the Bermuda Triangle around The Saint. I once rode around in this same triangle for about forty minutes on my bike, cursing the shifts in the time-space continuum.

I was probably drinking under these trees.

I was probably drinking under these trees.

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