Knowing your enemy

It comes as no surprise that I have tangled with a few undead in my time. On almost every adventure, there is going to be some encounter along the way where the loud, but well-meaning, dwarf will stumble into a crypt or a church or a morgue or a sealed tomb and disturb the sleep of once living. To be accurate, they are not actually sleeping; it is not like the average wight has to get up and go to work at the Quicky Mart in Borneven or some ghast has been burning the midnight oil finishing up her important presentation for the Guildmasters of Narwell. From what it looks like, the undead pretty much hang around and wait for dimwitted parties to disturb them. I guess that ambitious clerics try to get them to do something else; for all I know, there is a huge motivational circuit where Ravoni the Curate goes from hamlet to hamlet convincing the local undead that they can be more, that they can have that new crypt in the suburbs if they simply followed his six easy steps:

1) Admit to being undead. The first step to improvement is to embrace one’s non-life.

2) Set achievable goals. Be realistic about what a single mummy or wrath can do. Spend and drain energy accordingly.

3) Accept what cannot be changed. People are going to recoil in fear when a ghoul comes into the coffee shop. This is to be expected and don’t take it personally.

4) Give the gift of listening. No one likes a know-it-all or even a know -it-most. The best way to gain the confidence of others is by offering a silent tongue, an open ear, and an empty grave.

5) Think outside the coffin. Remember most of the world is made up of the living.

6) A happy undead is a successful undead. No matter what the event, enjoy it.

My motivational scroll, Dead, Successful, and Happy, will be on sale for 5 silver pieces at the end of the talk.

You can do it

You can do it

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