Perverse Osmosis Wand of Wonder - Perverse Osmosis

Wand of Wonder

Wand of WonderTreilor had found the wand before she got talked into this adventure, before she met the dwarf and the halfling, even before she had cast her firstburning handsspell. It must have been her second or third time she had traveled with a party. They had finished cleaning out a den of goblins, and the half-elf saw the wand partially hidden behind some dirty rugs. She had no idea what the wand did, but she was smart enough, even then, to realize if something is being hidden, it is probably valuable.

She had never gotten the wand to work. A couple different times she had tried it in combat, only to have the wand do nothing. Treilor’s dexterity had saved her from being orc food, and she was not in a hurry to have the wand failure again. Too much mattered: her life, her knowledge, her wallet. But things were looking up with her present companions. There had now been four different fights, and she had neither been harmed nor threatened. She had not had to cast a spell. She knew that she had at least two hundred gps coming to her on the split of the treasure. There may have been some gems at the skeleton dinner party. No, this was not the time to experiment with the wand.

But the experiment happened.

Treilor could not remember the exact order of events that preceded the activation of the wondrous wand. There was yelling, some magical darkness, her fumbling, her cursing as she tripped on her bag, a sound of clicking, more magical darkness, and then some of the most confusing rounds of her life. She noticed the end of the wand sticking out of the bag she had fallen on; she could see its tip beginning to light up and then shoot a blinding spark of electricity into the distance. Everything in the room went black and white as the lightning bolt cut through the darkness.

Treilor looked again at the wand and was again amazed. This time, instead of the tip glowing, it was producing butterflies, hundreds of beautiful butterflies. Feeling a compulsion stronger than anything she had felt before, she pushed the butterflies out of the way and pulled the wand out of the bag. She pointed in the wand in the direction of original yelling. From the tip of the wand flew hundred and hundreds of butterflies; Treilor had never seen so many. The butterflies filled the air around her, clouding her vision.

It was at this point that Terilor realized that she was no longer in command of her hands; she tried to take them off the wand, but her fingers would not move. She raised the wand again and felt a slight surge. In front of her, although slightly obscured by the butterflies, was an elephant, looking warily around. She felt her hands twitch again and stared as leaves began to grow out of the elephant’s hide. The wand jerked again, and a stream of red and blue gems began streaming for the tip, clattering as they fell to the ground ten feet away. The elephant seemed unfazed by either its sudden appearance or the leaves growing out of it; it moved closer to the gems and touched some of them with its trunk.

Twice more the wand twitched and twice more, unreasonable things happened. First a mouse appeared, looked at the elephant, and ran. A segment later a rhino was next to the unmoving elephant. In the last five minutes, this wand had made the cave go dark, fill the air with butterflies, incarnated an elephant, a rhino, a mouse, and some member of the vegetable kingdom. Treilor was ready to scream; something had to stop her from using the wand because she could not stop herself. A gust of wind came from the wand, blowing all the butterflies towards the mouth of the cave.

She could feel the wand heat up before it released the three fireballs; Treilor could see the rest of the party in the shadows created as the fireballs flew towards the opening of the cave. None of them seemed to be hurt, but it was difficult to tell in the quick-moving light of the burning balls. She moved towards the party, hoping one of them would realize her situation. The wand vibrated again, but the magic-user saw nothing happen. There were no explosions or animals or gems. Maybe the wand had run out of power.

The half-elf found the paladin first. “Rodericke, I am glad to see you. I can’t stop making this wand work.” The paladin looked around and asked, “Who said that?” He drew his blade and slowly moved his head.

“I’m right here in front of you” was the magic-user’s response.

“In front of me where?”

Treilor felt the wand jump in her hand and tap the paladin lightly on the arm. Rodericke felt his flesh tighten, and the feeling quickly spread up his arm, then his body and then his legs. He tried to move but couldn’t. He suddenly was blind. He felt no physical pain but also knew that something was not right. He tried to call out but could not draw in breath. Perhaps this was the price he paid for adventuring with an assassin and a chaotic.

Treilor started screaming when she realized what she had done. She had turned the paladin’s flesh to stone. This was much worse than anything that had happened before. Why had he not seen her? Why didn’t he move out of the way? The half-elf felt the wand buckle again, then nothing. Around her stood the members of the party; they had their weapons drawn and did not look happy. Treilor suddenly wished she was invisible again. She also wished that the cleric had stone to flesh memorized.



The path ahead seems safe and well-lit.

A spiral stair case in the corner leads upwards.

Do you follow the pathstraightahead or take the stairsup?

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      Wand of Wonder

Sing Along!

From among the gems and golden pieces and the piles of kobold feces
lift up with telekinesis a nondescript wooden wand.
Plain in sight, plain in heft, plain when tasted, plain when sniffed
wave the twiglet, sweet and swift -- now the rest of the treasure's gone!

Wand of wonder, make it dark
Wand of wonder, shoot a spark
Wand of wonder, butterflies
Wand of wonder, someone dies

Its magic you cannot explain -- you waved it, got a heavy rain
you summoned 40 elephaints and leaves grew on them too
You can't see a thing before your eyes but the fluttering of butterflies
the giant is now giant size -- it's all because of you!

Wand of wonder confuses us
Wand of wonder, rhinoceros
Wand of wonder, gust of wind
Wand of wonder, not again

You barely dodged the fireball, and now you feel invincible
surrounded by grass and one inch tall and you've turned your flesh to stone

Wand of wonder, call a mouse
Wand of wonder, stinking cloud
Wand of wonder, fireball
Wand of wonder does it all

Wand of wonder -- not again!