Perverse Osmosis Troll Wedding Ceremony - Perverse Osmosis

Troll Wedding Ceremony

TrollsYou had to admit to yourself that even for this adventure, hearing a wedding march and smelling the stench of trolls was an odd combination. But hey, dwarves don’t live underground for hundreds of years without knowing a few tricks on how to slaughter a troll or two. First comes the hacking: go for an arm first, then a leg. If all goes as planned, in two rounds, Mr. stinky troll is hopping around like Frodnir Brokenhammer on the High Feast of Hanseath, after he had three too many ales. Second comes the burning: throw oil and apply flame liberally. Third comes the mincing: what isn’t hacked or burned gets chopped into small, largely harmless pieces. Fourth comes the looting: trolls like their gold almost as much a dwarf does.

As you smash through the door, with Rordricke at your side, you quickly realize that your tricks for handling trolls did not include how to handle somewhere between 20 and 40 of them. Gobliminator in hand, you rush at the nearest ones, knowing that Clanggedin Silverbeard prefers his dwarves to die after at least killing a few of their enemies.


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      Troll Wedding Ceremony

Sing Along!

In the shadow of this grim cavern
Distant from the burning kiss of light
We link the undying life of these

Trolls in marriage, hands exchanged
Trolls in marriage, heads exchanged
Trolls in marriage, hearts exchanged
Trolls in marriage, treat 'em the same!

When powerful Vaprak met Othea
And they exchanged flesh underneath the dim light of Kirloon
Siring the three sons Anori, Hakuni, and Muaj
Deep within his pitiful cavern at the darkest edge of
Shatterstone's enormous cliffs -- 524th layer of the sweet abyss


Love regenerates like your trollen flesh
Fed with the blood of dwarven kind
Continue the line of our dread lord Vaprak