Perverse Osmosis Lich Lord - Perverse Osmosis

Lich Lord

Lichlord2I knew the party was already on the way; my crystal ball showed me their battle with the manticore. I also knew that I had a lot of research to do, and that this was not the time to be interrupted by some curious halflings and elves. I wasn’t concerned that this party could harm me, but I was nervous that they might force me to expend some spells that I would prefer to use on my explorations into a new version oftime stopI have been tinkering with.

I consider myself lucky to have found this cave lair in this otherwise pedestrian dungeon complex. There isn’t much wander-in traffic; I like the beholder a couple caves over–she respects my power and I her tenacity; it is close to some decent universities where I can do arcane research. But even the most out-of-the-way-place gets visitors. I also consider myself lucky because I am a 20th-level magic user who turned himself into a lich lord about four hundred years ago; I am confident in my ability to handle the situation.

Summoning a bone devil was the easy part; I hold bargains with several upper-tier devils; I supply them occasional magic items and they supply occasional bodyguards. The much trickier summon was the demon, who are fundamentally against serving anything. I appreciate their dedication to their chaotic natures, and I try to allow them the spoils of their summonings, usually in the form of human, elf, half-elf, halfling, half-orc, or gnome adventurers. Everyone gets something out of the deal except the party.

Quite frankly, they are getting what they deserve.

In what I think is quite a brilliant trap, I put a circle of protection on the ground of a nearby cave and held the beginnings of the demon summoning spell,cacodemon. Once I had taken care of all the candle lighting and other machinations, I stepped outside of the circle, created another circle of protection around it, and read the contract I had with Logokron. But as part of the contract, I stipulated that the agreed-upon bone devil would not appear for three turns, which is the time it took me to finish offcacodemon,mass invisibilityon the summoned and trapped devil and demon, andduo dimensionon myself. I then turned sideways and watched the party blunder into the trap.

Parties always think they are smarter than they are and have little capacity at realizing who they are dealing with: I am an undead 20th level magic-user. I have a non-primary treasure trove with six healing potions, a rod of lordly might, a ring of spell storing, a sword +3/+5 against giants, and about fifty thousand gold pieces. I didn’t collect those treasures by being average.

The trap worked exquisitely. The party bumbled in, the fighters and thieves destroyed the circle of protections, themass invisibilitybroke on my command, and the demon and devil attacked the party. I was pleasantly surprised when the bone devil managed to gate in one of his companions; that showed real initiative, and I have already drafted a letter to send to his superiors about his performance.

If the party would have been more alert, they could have fought the attacks off. Two devils and a demon are not overwhelming odds. But the combination of surprise and the early deaths of both the cleric and the druid put them at a disadvantage. The barbarian failed his save against fear and fled: I think one of the wandering monsters will have an opportunity in him. The halfling thief and the half-orc also ran, more for their cowardly lives than for anything else, although I will admit that self-preservation is a powerful drive. The dwarf fighter and the ranger are still on the ground of the cave. The body of the magic user went back with the demon, along with what remained of the paladin.

In my inter-dimensional wanderings, I occasionally materialize in a prime material plane called Earth in their year 1984. The civilization has an acting troupe known as the A-Team. To quote their leader, an older, tobacco-smoking human, “I love it when a plan comes together.”


This adventure is over.

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      Lich Lord

Sing Along!

It's all part of my cosmic plan
phylactery is in my hand
9th level spells I command
Lich Lord

Seeking further intellectual thrills
Kept alive by force of will
Oh, another party to kill
Lich Lord

I'm trying to study my scrolls
That's why I send all the trolls
You won't make your saving throws
Lich Lord

Striking from the Astral Plane
Para-dimensional burning flames
Catastrophic meteor rain
Lich Lord

700 years
leads to 5th level fears
You have no chance
I'm far too advanced
Lich Lord
Lich Lord
Lich Lord
Lich Lord...