Perverse Osmosis Draco Chlorinous Nauseous Respiratorus - Perverse Osmosis

Draco Chlorinous Nauseous Respiratorus

Dragon-1The cave was dark, darker even than the dungeon hallway that lead to it. The barbarian and the paladin held their torches aloft to get a better view of the cave’s entrance, spoiling the infravision of the thief and the assassin. Within the circle of illumination, neither human could see anything threatening, but if this adventure had taught the party anything, it was that first impressions are deceiving. Imlari sprinted ahead of the band, holding the torch above his head, trusting in his barbaric instincts to alert him to any danger that may be out of his vision.

The torchlight reflected off something metallic, and the Snow Barbarian slowed to a halt. As he moved in for a closer look, he noticed that the metal was gold, lots of gold. So much gold that it looked like a hoard, and to Imlari’s trained eye and mind, that hoard meant one thing: a dragon. The barbarian dropped the torch to the floor, spun quickly around, and ran back towards the opening of the cave. It was then that he heard the rush of air being drawn into reptilian lungs. Imlari’s dived to the floor, trying to find a niche to climb into before the ensuing dragon’s breath.

The barbarian smelled the breath first as it blew over his head. It was an acrid, pungent smell; Imlari could feel his nostrils singe from the deadly gas. In the distance, he heard yelling as the rest of the party was engulfed in the cloud of chlorine. The barbarian pushed himself off the ground, drew his long sword, and moved quietly towards the cave wall. He hoped that the dragon’s attention would be distracted by the larger party, allowing him an opportunity to strike from behind or above.

Imlari hugged the wall as he slowly circled the dragon sitting on its enormous hoard. He could see the assassin methodically firing crossbow bolts into the giant lizard; each bolt struck the hardened skin of the dragon with an audible thump. The ranger added to the missile fire with arrows from his longbow arching through the dim. If the ranged fire continued to occupy the dragon, then the barbarian felt he had a chance. All he needed was a little more time to find the proper rock to jump from.

The barbarian soon found the rock; it was only fifteen paces from where he started. The rock was more of an outcropping; standing about six feet high, it ran parallel with the wall for a few paces and then jutted out towards the center of the room and the dragon. Nimbly, Imlari navigated the rock, moving over its wet and slippery surface. As he climbed, he saw three magic missiles race through the dark and strike the dragon. The dragon roared and breathed again; from his position, the barbarian saw the deadly, bright green cloud move over the party. As the cloud settled, the barbarian ran to the end of the outcropping and jumped.

He landed on the dragon’s back, near its neck. As soon as he landed, he drove the sword down into the junction between the beast’s spine and its head; the barbarian could feel the magical blade slide through the armor-like scales. The dragon bellowed as it felt the pain of the attack, and it began to move its head violently from side to side, trying to dislodge Imlari. The barbarian hung on tightly to the pommel of the sword, both hands wrapped around the ancient hilt.

The bucking of the reptile grew more intense as the half-orc and the ranger continued to fire bolts and arrows into it. Although none of the missiles individually did much damage, the combined effect of them and the barbarian’s attack began to take a toll on the dragon. In an effort to unseat Imlari, the dragon reared up on its back legs and rammed itself into the cavern wall. The barbarian felt the dragon’s muscles clench and flex before its sudden movement; he let go of the sword hilt and dropped as the dragon smashed into the stone.

The impact of the fall stunned Imlari long enough for the dragon to regain its balance; once it did, it struck at the woozy barbarian with its long, sharp claws. Imlari heard his leather armor rip as draconian claws shredded it. With incredible speed, the dragon followed its claw attacks with a savage bite. The barbarian was quick but not quick enough as teeth found flesh; blood spurted as Imlari’s shoulder muscle was ripped away.

Seeing that its primary assailant was now immobilized, the dragon once again exhaled its cloud of deadly gas. But this time, the chlorinated breath weapon directly caught the remaining party members: the dwarf died instantly, slowly liquefying from the acidic breath. The cleric and the druid were blinded, with the cleric hearing her eyeballs pop. The ranger and the assassin were luckier; their positions shielded them from the brunt of the blast. Firing one last bolt, the assassin turned and ran, trusting that the dragon would be more interested in mopping up the remaining adventurers than chasing after one of them. Drogan was right: he could hear the cries of the party as he ran through the darkened corridors.


The dragon defeats your party. The adventure ends.

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      Draco Chlorinous Nauseous Respiratorus

Sing Along!

Out of the depths of the cave's black night
Rang the sounds of deepest despair
Fluttering wings and indrawing breath
Foretell the gaseous apocalypse

Draco, a dragon
Chlorinous, it's green
Nauseous, vomit-inducing
Respiratorus, it breathes

Dimly emerald lung expellation
burning eyes and blackened lashes
Hell-based Tiamat worshipper
Unleashes its reptilian killing


Saving throws fail to save our corporeality
Disentagulation of the intestines
Cross genetic reverse liquifying
The eternal burning of nitride chloride