Perverse Osmosis Party Beach Bloodbath - Perverse Osmosis

Party Beach Bloodbath

As one, the party turned and ran; the sight of the blue drake, combined with the previous beholder ambush, was too much. Once the halfling made the first move out of the cave, it became a race to safety, with even the paladin running. By the time the drake realized what was happening, it was too late, the party was already out of breath weapon range, and the small dragon didn’t feel like rising off his comfortable mound. It nestled back into the copper pieces and resumed slumbering.

Drogan skidded to a stop; during his headlong flight from the cave, he had left the party behind, but what he saw in front of him forced him to give up that lead. In front of the half-orc was a golden beach and beautiful blue-green lagoon. His highly trained assassin’s nose detected a hint of salt in the area. Drogan had seen some fantastic illusions in his time as an adventurer but this one matched any of them. He had no idea where this manifestation was going, but he liked its possibilities.

Soon he was joined by his companions; each was as amazed as the half-orc by the sand and beach that filled their vision. Even Imlari, who held a barbarian’s distaste for magic, admitted to the enchantment’s realism. Crandorth picked up a handful of the sand, inspected it briefly, and let it fall through his fingers. The druid was about to speak when, out of the distance, he heard the sound of yelling and, even more surprisingly, loud giggling.

The druid looked up and saw the calm surface of the lagoon shattered by a quickly developing wave, rising up from the unknown depths. He also saw the source of the laughter and yelling: a bikini-clad water naga standing on a wooden board. The naga’s snake-like torso was perfectly balanced and the creature managed to surf her way to the crest of the wave. The druid watched the naga ride the wave for more than fifty paces before finally falling. Crandorth started towards the water, wondering if she needed help.

He ran five strides and stopped on the sixth. Two lacedons dressed in long, colorful shorts were already swimming out to help the naga and the aquatic ghouls were far better swimmers than the druid. He turned his head to look back at the shore when a white ball landed at his feet.

“Hey dude. Can I get a lil’ helpski?”

The druid picked the ball up. About ten feet away from him stood a slightly dumpy-looking humanoid with large goggle eyes, its hands outstretched.

“Yeah, you dude. Toss me the volleyballster back. I trade a brewski for it.” The kuo-tua reached into a box he had with him and pulled out a glass bottle. “Don’t be a dweeb; throw me the ball, bro.” He moved a step closer to the druid, who still was holding on to the ball. Crandorth was not sure what the humanoid wanted exactly but he knew it had something to do with the white sphere. He threw the ball back towards the advancing monster; the goggler had its hands down and the ball bounced into his chest.

The kuo-tua said with mild surprise, “Oh, dude. You are so dead.” He swelled himself up and started to charge at Crandorth. He crashed into the stunned druid and both fell into the sand. Crandorth found himself wrestling with the strong-armed monster, trying to avoid getting sand in his month. As he whirled and twisted with the kuo-tua, the druid noticed a circle was forming around them. He saw other goggler faces, the lacedons, the naga, and the devilish visage of the sahuagin. Occasionally one of the crowd would yell encouragement to the fish man.

Crandorth saw his opportunity and took it. He managed to gather a handful of sand in his left hand, and when the big-eyed humanoid got in close, the druid rubbed the sand in it. The kuo-tua shrieked and stopped grabbing, his hands covering his irritated eyes. The druid stood up, fists at the ready. The sahuagin stepped forward and spoke, “That is a super gnarly move, buddy. He was just foolin’ around and you had to get all serious-like. Well you know what’s going to be serious? Me kicking the crap out of you.”

The sahuagin moved in, claws already drawn. Behind him followed three other kuo-tua and another sahuagin. The druid heard one of the gogglers say something about a rumble and then the battle ensued. Crandorth soon was overwhelmed by the combined forces of the five humanoids; the last thing he remembered before unconsciousness overtook him was a voice saying “Dude, time to fire up the grill.”

 

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The party defeated, the adventure ends.

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      Party Beach Bloodbath

Sing Along!

We needed a break after the drake jumped in the lake
Volleyball net, girls to be met we'll never forget
Kuo-Toa, got in brewin', lacedon ghoulin
Surfin saga of a water naga drinkin' Goldschlager

Chorus:
Party Beach Bloodbath
It's the party you don't wanna crash
Party Beach Blood Bath
The keg there never lasts
Party Beach Blood Bath
Sahuagin's time to dance and thrash
Party Beach Blood Bath
Sandy version of the monster mash

A weenie roast of the human hosts -- looks like we're toast
It's a bummer, dude: you get an attitude when you're turned to food

[solo]

[chorus]