Perverse Osmosis Stoned Giant - Perverse Osmosis

Stoned Giant

Stoned GiantOne of the ways I knew that we had been in dungeon a long time was when the druid’s bag finally ran out. I didn’t go into the adventure necessarily thinking that I would hook up with a serious hophead, but I thankShargaas that I did. Now, don’t get me wrong; it is not like I am getting all hooped up right before we open a door or kill some goblins, but when the day is over and my turn at watch is complete, I want to be counted in. And Crandorth was always ready to do some counting.

Turns out that all those jokes people make about druids smoking pipes and getting all goofed up are true. Pretty much every one of them, dead on. Somehow Crandorth was a name-level druid who could talk to animals and make out with a mind flayer, and he was never straight once the entire time he adventured with me. We spent more than a month finding that stupid basilisk and he was always, and I mean always, counted in.

Then his bag ran out.

Ever smoked Bagend- highend-heavy top with a stone giant? Me neither until Crandorth decided to bring the party to a party. Somehow he had communicated with the rat or mole who talked to the right guard dog who talked to the guy who knew the guy who knew that he was is need. Somehow the word got back to him that he could refill his bag at stone giant party that was happening. Crandorth told us what was going on, we talked about it for a couple rounds, we told him we would go to the party for a while and see if we could get some information, while he transacted business. As usual, the paladin was against it, but me and the thief shouted him down. Plus I think he wanted to go to a party.

We show up at the giant’s cave, Crandorth leads the way in, and I find myself the short half-orc in a room full of partying giants. They are shaking and dancing, there is a band playing, it is real party. No one cares that we are there and I follow Crandorth as he starts to mingle. Remember, this guy is at least a twelfth-level druid, and he is working the room; I wouldn’t be surprised if he had castcharmon himself right before we went in. In about three rounds, he is giving me the head nod to trail him into the back room. That is when I knew we were in.

I stepped under a curtain and into a dimly lit room. Someone had castfaerie fireon the wall, and the reds and greens made for a relaxing atmosphere. Two stone giants were sitting on the fur carpet, one of them had a giant mound of Midharvest Deluxe in front of him. Crandorth introduced himself; I nodded and sat down. After taking a seat, we began to engage in small talk. I speak a fair amount of giant languages, and stone giant is one of the easier ones. At some point, a pipe came my direction, then another. These giants seemed like they were going to be okay. There was a break in the conversation; one of the giants stood up, reached into a closet, and pulled out a bong the size of six-foot pole arm. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a glass jar filled with the previously mentioned Bagend- highend-heavy top.

Here is what I remember: One of the giants offered me a hit. Me taking it using the circular breathing trick to clear out the air before the smoke. My face on the floor looking up at some enormous shoes. Giant and human laughter. Gurgling. More gurgling. More laughter. A loud thud. Me looking up at the bottom of a giant’s shoes.

Later I found out that only Crandorth remained upright. Rumor has it that he even asked for seconds.

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Under one of the rugs on wall, you find a secret passage carved into the stone. Feeling buzzed and adventurous, you stumble along the cave, giggling like a rockled gnome. About fifteen paces in, it branches.The munchies have you searching for something to eat.

Torchlight flickers invitingly in the cavern to the right. You hear various folks singing and the sounds of clinking tankards.

You’re all set to go to the right when taking a token glance to the left, you catch a fleeting glimpse of a young maiden running down the tunnel to the left.

Are you interested in goingrightorleftto find your fortune?

{ Currently playing in VERBOSE mode. - Switch to TERSE - }
      Stoned Giant

Sing Along!

In our house of stone, in our time of need
We all smoked some stone giant weed
From a homegrown kit, raised in shit
Only the druid could have more than one hit

He offered us a bong, it was six feet long
He wanted us to come along
On a cosmic ride, deep inside
The kaleidoscopic majesty of the cyclopean mind -- he's a

Chorus:
Stoned giant, he's higher than you and me
Stoned giant, on some supersized THC

I had a little taste, I had a little tug
Next thing you know, I'm face down on the rug
One tube, two tubes, three tubes, four
Druid had the giant with us on the floor

We all took a bong, it was six feet long
We all wanted to come along
On a cosmic ride, deep inside
The kaleidoscopic majesty of the cyclopean mind with the

[chorus]

[solo]

Stoned giant, he's higher than you and me
Stoned giant, on some supersized TH - supersized TH - supersized THC!