Perverse Osmosis

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So It’s Halloween

November 1st, 2014

Happy Halloween all you Devillockers, each and every one of you.

“And you feel like dancing, and you feel like letting loose.”

Do the Slag

October 30th, 2014

There are a lot of terms for painted ladies in Greyhawk. The DM’s Guide has a whole chart on them. Check out these descriptions: slovenly trull, brazen strumpet, cheap trollop, typical streetwalker, saucy tart, wanton wench, expensive doxy, haughty courtesan, aged madam, wealthy procuress, and rich panderer. Percentage wise, the strumpet, the streetwalker, and the tart are one’s most likely companions. But while I may be many things, one thing that I am not is a man who is after likely.

Now, when we are talking halfogre dancers in Yatil Mountains, sexy kuo toa in off the Lendor Islands, or giantesses [yes, I mean plural] in the Vast Swamp, then I am ready to spend my gold pieces or maybe electrum if I am lucky. Kobold orgy? Count me in: I am no snob. Hot gnoll on gnoll action is some of my favorite kind of non-combat action. Even the occasional frost woman has crossed my path, with mixed results. But no matter what, be assured that everyone has a good time and everyone gets paid. Frankly, it is the second most-likely reason I go adventuring.

Ray wrote this one, and it is early (1984) to end up on Bedtime.

Flashdunce

October 29th, 2014

8:00-8:50: Radio interview
12:30-1:00: Stafford Tech television interview
18-20:00- Dr. Prida’s horror show at local pub [The Hop'n Moose]

This is my prime material plane life.

“Strip mine your underground cultures, take a bite out and rinse it clean.”

Shrink

October 28th, 2014

Shrink [technically reduce in the Player's Handbook] is actually an interesting spell that parties I traveled with never used enough. Granted, enlarge is a good piece of prestidigitation; it can turn a table into an ambush fairly quickly and casting it on a pool of oil has a tendency to burn and burn [depending on how stingy the DM is].

But there is a bit of psychological damage that goes along with shrink, especially when cast on either a person, a weapon, or a suit of armor. Want to see something funny? Have Gretrey the Grey cast shrink on the charging orc; by the time Werthok Marrowchewer gets to melee, he will be about 2.5 feet tall. For one of the few times, the gnome in the party will get to look an enemy in the eye. Local paladin strutting about in her plate mail armor she just picked up for saving someone from something? Give their armor a taste of the shrink and watch how fast little miss high and mighty tries to take off the rapidly reducing piece of metal. Like ridiculous situations in a dungeon? Shrink the scimitar that an ogre magi is using to the size of a toothbrush. Good times, all the way.

I never have been able to verify if masons were exempted from the ovens.

Dear Abby

October 27th, 2014

The subject of cannibalism in Greyhawk is not a unusual one. Plenty of kobolds and goblins eat their own, and more than one tribal group has feasted on the remains of its enemies. That being said, there is still something about the practice that makes even hardened neutral evil adventurers like myself take a moment to reflect on what exactly is going on.

During a recent trip to what used to be the Bandit Kingdoms, I ran into [well, killed really] a group of clerics who had a particularly gruesome set up. They were reanimating the heavier members of their community and using them as walking larders. Since the reanimated dead don’t rot, there was no concern about spoilage. And these same clerics would then use a modified version of create food and water to enhance the flavor of the meat. Why they didn’t just create actual food is beyond me, and I guess I will never know since they can’t talk without their heads.

Love this song. The real mayhem begins at 1:40.