People die: I get it. Almost no adventurer gets to turn into a demi-lich or lich, spreading their specific version of neutral evil happiness around the multi-verse for as long as they want. That being written, it is a kick in the lower region to see that not long after Leonard Nimoy headed in search of space that Sam Simon, one of the guiding forces behind The Simpsons, died on the 8th.
Not only did Simon help create The Simpsons, he is credited with coming up with Mr. Burns, who is the closest thing to a lich that we are ever going to see on television. He was also a vegan and gave much of his fortune away to animal-rights causes. And he married a Playboy Playmate. And wrote for Barney Miller, Taxi, and Cheers; here’s hoping that he helped write some Dietrich material.
Sorry about the ads for Hulu, but, you know, capitalism.
As anyone with an intertube connection probably knows, Leonard Nimoy took his final voyage from the prime material plane on Feb 27. I can’t speak for all members of Perverse Osmosis, but I certainly loved Spock, and frankly, also loved In Search Of, which was the alternative history of its time. Before the History Channel spewed out Ancient Aliens or National Geographic broke the story on pyramid power, In Search Of was filling my ten-year old brain with all kinds of semi-factual events and maybe, possible happenings. In Search Of came on Saturday afternoons, and I would do my best to have all my rural chores done before the opening credits that made sure I knew that the show was based in part on theory and conjecture. Thankfully, I was and remain heavily involved in theory and conjecture.
And Spock, there isn’t much more to say. I wasn’t the most well-adjusted young person and there weren’t many role models for nerds in the early 1980s. There was Dietrich from Barney Miller, Spock, and . . .that was about it. As such, lots and lots of time was spent watching Trek reruns and thinking about how freaking rad Spock was; he probably scored super well on standardized tests and never once slow danced. Sure, he never made out with a green space babe, but Kirk probably couldn’t program in BASIC or know when to use reductio ad absurdum in arguments.
There are a lot of terms for painted ladies in Greyhawk. The DM’s Guide has a whole chart on them. Check out these descriptions: slovenly trull, brazen strumpet, cheap trollop, typical streetwalker, saucy tart, wanton wench, expensive doxy, haughty courtesan, aged madam, wealthy procuress, and rich panderer. Percentage wise, the strumpet, the streetwalker, and the tart are one’s most likely companions. But while I may be many things, one thing that I am not is a man who is after likely.
Now, when we are talking halfogre dancers in Yatil Mountains, sexy kuo toa in off the Lendor Islands, or giantesses [yes, I mean plural] in the Vast Swamp, then I am ready to spend my gold pieces or maybe electrum if I am lucky. Kobold orgy? Count me in: I am no snob. Hot gnoll on gnoll action is some of my favorite kind of non-combat action. Even the occasional frost woman has crossed my path, with mixed results. But no matter what, be assured that everyone has a good time and everyone gets paid. Frankly, it is the second most-likely reason I go adventuring.
Ray wrote this one, and it is early (1984) to end up on Bedtime.