Perverse Osmosis

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Lived Long and Prospered

March 1st, 2015

As anyone with an intertube connection probably knows, Leonard Nimoy took his final voyage from the prime material plane on Feb 27. I can’t speak for all members of Perverse Osmosis, but I certainly loved Spock, and frankly, also loved In Search Of, which was the alternative history of its time. Before the History Channel spewed out Ancient Aliens or National Geographic broke the story on pyramid power, In Search Of was filling my ten-year old brain with all kinds of semi-factual events and maybe, possible happenings. In Search Of came on Saturday afternoons, and I would do my best to have all my rural chores done before the opening credits that made sure I knew that the show was based in part on theory and conjecture. Thankfully, I was and remain heavily involved in theory and conjecture.

And Spock, there isn’t much more to say. I wasn’t the most well-adjusted young person and there weren’t many role models for nerds in the early 1980s. There was Dietrich from Barney Miller, Spock, and . . .that was about it. As such, lots and lots of time was spent watching Trek reruns and thinking about how freaking rad Spock was; he probably scored super well on standardized tests and never once slow danced. Sure, he never made out with a green space babe, but Kirk probably couldn’t program in BASIC or know when to use reductio ad absurdum in arguments.

Plus, “Momma said Spock you out” is one of my favorite throwaway lines from Futurama.

So It’s Halloween

November 1st, 2014

Happy Halloween all you Devillockers, each and every one of you.

“And you feel like dancing, and you feel like letting loose.”

Do the Slag

October 30th, 2014

There are a lot of terms for painted ladies in Greyhawk. The DM’s Guide has a whole chart on them. Check out these descriptions: slovenly trull, brazen strumpet, cheap trollop, typical streetwalker, saucy tart, wanton wench, expensive doxy, haughty courtesan, aged madam, wealthy procuress, and rich panderer. Percentage wise, the strumpet, the streetwalker, and the tart are one’s most likely companions. But while I may be many things, one thing that I am not is a man who is after likely.

Now, when we are talking halfogre dancers in Yatil Mountains, sexy kuo toa in off the Lendor Islands, or giantesses [yes, I mean plural] in the Vast Swamp, then I am ready to spend my gold pieces or maybe electrum if I am lucky. Kobold orgy? Count me in: I am no snob. Hot gnoll on gnoll action is some of my favorite kind of non-combat action. Even the occasional frost woman has crossed my path, with mixed results. But no matter what, be assured that everyone has a good time and everyone gets paid. Frankly, it is the second most-likely reason I go adventuring.

Ray wrote this one, and it is early (1984) to end up on Bedtime.

Flashdunce

October 29th, 2014

8:00-8:50: Radio interview
12:30-1:00: Stafford Tech television interview
18-20:00- Dr. Prida’s horror show at local pub [The Hop'n Moose]

This is my prime material plane life.

“Strip mine your underground cultures, take a bite out and rinse it clean.”

Shrink

October 28th, 2014

Shrink [technically reduce in the Player’s Handbook] is actually an interesting spell that parties I traveled with never used enough. Granted, enlarge is a good piece of prestidigitation; it can turn a table into an ambush fairly quickly and casting it on a pool of oil has a tendency to burn and burn [depending on how stingy the DM is].

But there is a bit of psychological damage that goes along with shrink, especially when cast on either a person, a weapon, or a suit of armor. Want to see something funny? Have Gretrey the Grey cast shrink on the charging orc; by the time Werthok Marrowchewer gets to melee, he will be about 2.5 feet tall. For one of the few times, the gnome in the party will get to look an enemy in the eye. Local paladin strutting about in her plate mail armor she just picked up for saving someone from something? Give their armor a taste of the shrink and watch how fast little miss high and mighty tries to take off the rapidly reducing piece of metal. Like ridiculous situations in a dungeon? Shrink the scimitar that an ogre magi is using to the size of a toothbrush. Good times, all the way.

I never have been able to verify if masons were exempted from the ovens.